Dungeon Master Sarah Knittel’s clown realm guide to the 2025 Philly Fringe

Why shouldst thou listen unto me? A jester by birth and avant-garde necromancer turned keymaster of the clown realm, I am the creator of Nightmare Fuel and Ben Franklin Sex Party, and the curator of this year’s Dumb Hub, a new corner of the Fest happening at the Fishtown den of Pig Iron Theatre Company.

To some, the Dumb Hub appears only as a maze with visions at every turn: a werewolf, a lad made of tape, a cosmic fiend, a beast disguised as an elder, a two-faced siren, a polyamorous imp, a horny paladin of freedom, clowns that defy gods, and babies who mime. Beware! The hub will appear to you as the thing you desire the most (in live performance), and you might be stuck there fore’er. Seek a portal on Instagram: @dumbhubphilly.

But take heed of other beasts throughout the festival! I’m here to guide you with their creature type, their lore, the special abilities and magical objects they confer, tips for encountering them, and the loot they drop.

5 Stagehands Fall Out of a Closet (the goose crisis)
By Grace Lazarz and Michael Amendola
September 3-24 at The Trestle Inn (wheelchair-accessible)

Creature Type: Cosmic Shapeshifter

Alignment: Chaotic Absurd

Lore: A rip in the universe released a shimmering goo with a sacred message. The goo became fascinated with our world and never left. Now it delivers otherworldly warnings by transforming into the dumbest creatures imaginable. Are we still too stupid to hear its call?

Abilities/Object: Wings of Catharsis: whisk simple objects and ideas into something of great meaning.

Loot Drop: Yummy cocktails in a sexy tavern. Leave with +2 charisma as you now have a batch of earworm lines and catchphrases to drop on co-workers and lovers. “Where’d he think of that?” they will wonder, and you will know, you little thief.

Baby Everything
By Lee Minora
September 17-26 at MAAS Studio

Creature Type: Shadowblade Trickster

Alignment: Lawful Hot

Lore: Her name is known through the village, but it must be whispered, for if she knows your name, you are already dead. Her jokes turn to blades inside both friend and foe.

Encounter Tactics: Say yes to whatever she asks! Play along! (But don’t be weird about it.)

Abilities/objects: Poison tongue, a cutting wit that can make fun of anything or anyone without hesitation! Be not on the bad side of it!

Loot Drop: +2 Philadelphia coins. If you consider yourself a true citizen of Philadelphia village, you must see Lee Minora perform.

Haute Glue
By Rose Luardo
September 6-13 at the Fairmount House

Creature: Sorcerer of Nonsense and Beauty

Alignment: Perimenopausal Chaotic

Lore: Rumor has it that Rose has been freed from her bondage in a dungeon for placing a naked havoc spell on a nearby village. Her time in the dark, dank cell was not wasted, for she has invented spells this realm has ne’er seen, inspiring fanatical devotion.

Abilities/Objects: A gallery of fine-art works that push the viewer into a religious ecstasy.

Ideal Adventurer: Those willing to worship at the shrine of Rose, willing to gaze upon her painted poetry while she and her followers perform the rite.

Loot Drop: Blessing of the clown oracle: nonsense makes sense.

“Be Good” With Paulette
By Daniel Maseda
September 6-24 at the Asian Arts Initiative Black Box Theater (wheelchair-accessible)

Creature: Cave-dwelling Clownspawn

Alignment: Chaotic Christ-like

Lore: emerging from the clown caves of Go-lee-ay, Daniel offers himself to the wolves of Philadelphia. Why? The darkness in the caves told him it was his destiny.

Abilities/Objects: Mists of silliness, a vapor that will have you laughing till you cry and crying till you puke.

Encounter Tactics: sit back, open your mind, and ready your soul for…anything that can happen within four walls between one person and an audience.

Journeyman
By Charles Steele
September 5-14 at Studio 34

Creature Type: Heckle Fiend

Alignment: Vulnerable Good

Lore: After he conquered his village’s sinister mind trolls, Sir Charles retired to the life of a bard, telling tales, turning phrases, and coaxing even the strongest lads to shed a tear JUST WITH WORDS.

Abilities/Objects: A heavenly light that shines down upon any situation and makes it hilarious.

Two Queers in Wigs: 2 Solo Performances About Gender
Guotian (Tim) Shu and Nico Montalvo
September 10-14 at Asian Arts Initiative Black Box Theater (wheelchair-accessible)

Creature: Sea Hags of Hilarity

Alignment: Spectacular Lawful Wig

Lore: Odysseus tied himself to the ship’s mast to hear the sirens’ song, but little have we heard the story of Gopisseus and the sea hags. Enticed to their lagoon, he heard their twin tales of idiocy and laughed himself to an early grave.

Abilities/Objects: Lin Miranda’s Manual, a map to an ancient treasure that brings wild success to the collector.

Ideal Adventurer: Spectacle seekers willing to risk death by laughter.

Dentata
By Julia VanderVeen and The Lemonade Stand
September 26 & 27 at the Skinner Studio at Plays & Players

Creature: Absurdist Chimera

Alignment: Lawful Pussy

Lore: mythological fire-breathing woman-lion-horse-muffin creature of legend. Every word that Julia utters and does not utter is written down by the scribes. ’Twill be passed down through generations till we wonder if it’s a good omen or a threat.

Special Abilities/Objects: Giganto Vulvada, a massive feminine expression that shares its deepest truths through song.

Loot Drop: +2 Lore collection: you can forever tell your story of seeing an unforgettably exciting live performance.

+1 rejuvenation: A drink at Quig’s (upstairs at Plays & Players) after seeing art has healing properties.

Alas, my map is finished, but yours is just beginning! Search the whole realm of this year’s festival and encounter as many creatures as you can.