Love it or hate it, your guide to Valentine’s Day in Philly

No holiday (or, depending who you ask, harrowing Hallmark bacchanal of treacly, commercialized romance) seems to demand as many creative flourishes as Valentine’s Day. Maybe we’re all just a little punchy by the middle of February. But who doesn’t have a story to tell about love, or a story they’re trying to create? Or maybe you just like to revel in booze, chocolate, and other people’s despair. Whatever you want, Philly has you covered on Valentine’s Day weekend this year.

Painting with a Load On and the Ex Files

On Saturday, February 13, Good Good Comedy skewers the “yuppie phenomenon” of Painting with a Twist, a nationwide night-out chain where participants paint some version of the same painting together with the help of a group instructor, and try not to dunk their paintbrushes in their wineglasses. You can head to South Philly for Good Good Comedy’s Painting With a Load On. It’s a “comedy/art workshop” with Christian Alsis, and “couples of every level of artistic ability and alcohol tolerance are invited to participate.”

Bring your own smock, designated driver, and bail money (if needed), Good Good Comedy warns. It’s happening Saturday, February 13 at 5pm at Headlong Studios (Broad and Federal). Tickets are $8 in advance online and space is limited.

On the big day itself, First Person Arts has added a second show to its sixth annual Ex Files Story Slam. The 7pm show is sold out, but there are still tickets available ($14 in advance) for the late show. Billed as the “anti-Valentine’s Day” StorySlam, the show invites storytellers to bring “true tales of love lost, ranging from the sweet to the sad, the hilarious to the ridiculous.” It’s hosted by Robin Gelfenbien.

It’s happening Sunday, February 14 at 9pm (doors at 8:30) at Underground Arts, 1200 Callowhill Street, Philadelphia.

I Love You, I Hate You

And for anyone who’s still in the mood, Azuka Theatre’s ever-popular I Love You, I Hate You readings are coming back this year for one night only on Monday. This year, the readings will be a love letter not only to our city’s grimiest, most infatuated or most furious cris de coeur, but to City Paper itself, which broadcast them in all their uncensored glory.

It’s The BEST of I Love You, I Hate You, and ticket buyers are invited to this “anti-Valentine’s Day valentine to the scrappy city of Philadelphia,” where a raft of prime local actors will give voice to the real-life urban dwellers “who have made us laugh, cry, and groan over the years.” According to Azuka, we can expect all the best invective on SEPTA, the PPA, “hipsters, bikers, tourists, Popists, and more.” (Here’s a taste of past performances.)

It’s happening on February 15 at 5:30pm at FringeArts (140 N. Columbus Boulevard). Tickets ($25) are available online.

True love

Do you need some totally un-ironic romance? Fine. Congratulations on your life choices. There’s always the waterfront.

Head to the Blue Cross RiverRink Winterfest on Valentine’s Day for Sweetheart Skates sessions, which offer “plenty of reasons to cozy up to that someone special.” Times are 5-6:30pm, 7-8:30pm, and 9-10:30pm. Tickets ($25) include chocolate, flowers, a photo booth, and a DJ taking special requests. Garces Group and Franklin Fountain will be selling additional food and specialty cocktails.