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The new Inquirer demonstrates its independence
Dan Rottenberg
Bending over backwards department:
The new Inquirer demonstrates its independence
DAN ROTTENBERG
Now that the Inquirer is owned by Philadelphia’s establishment, how will it convince skeptics of its independence from Philadelphia’s establishment? It’s a sticky challenge, but there’s no reason the Inquirer can’t rise to it. An opening barrage of investigative articles and exposés should silence the cynics once and for all. For example:
Harvest of shame: Philadelphia’s pathetic civic elite. Empty suits, blowhards, underachievers, pompous windbags, incompetent bosses’ sons-in-law, New York rejects— Philadelphia’s business community has them all! A no-holds-barred guide to the region’s most embarrassing leaders.
The suburbs: Who needs them? While millions starve, two-thirds of Greater Philadelphia residents today live in suburbs, guzzling gas and polluting the air in their SUVs, consuming disproportionate amounts of land, water and electricity, and gobbling up acres of farmland to make room for McMansions, barbecue pits, four-car garages, strip malls and tacky fast-food franchises at every intersection. A six-part Inquirer series examines the problems caused by these smug parasites and suggests practical ways to eliminate them.
How Jews, blacks and Catholics are ruining Philadelphia. Under WASP leadership for nearly 300 years, Philadelphia grew from a colonial settlement to “the workshop of the world,” with more than 2 million inhabitants. But since 1963, under Catholic, black and Jewish leadership, the city has lost one-third of its population, 87% of its patricians and 100% of its drive-in movie theaters. A thought-provoking series asks: How can we entice Episcopalians to return to Philadelphia while encouraging Jews, blacks and Catholics to move elsewhere?
Inpoverty. In this colorful new section, the Inquirer spotlights who’s who and what’s what in the region’s underclass. Every day you’ll meet the best and brightest of Philadelphia’s drifters, mendicants, hustlers, pimps, prostitutes and crack addicts. Special features: a poverty gossip column by Michael Klein; Craig LaBan and Rick Nichols rate the region's best soup kitchens; plus a real estate guide to the area's hottest abandoned properties. You won't want to miss a single isssue! (Note: Inpoverty will replace the Inquirer’s sports section, which the editors have concluded lacks any intrinsic social value.) (Special note to advertisers: Inpoverty offers your best bet for reaching Greater Philadelphia's affluent poverty market!)
Paul Levy, Jane Pepper, Marciene Mattleman and Sister Mary Scullion are no damn good. Cleaning sidewalks, planting gardens, advocating for youth and the homeless—could anyone really be so selfless and civic-minded? In a four-part series, the Inquirer delves beneath the surface of these media darlings in search of their real agenda. Could it be world domination? Have Philadelphians forgotten the Pied Piper of Hamelin?
Newspapers: Who needs them? They waste valuable trees, leave ink smudges on your hands and blow all over the streets— and they don’t even give you last night’s West Coast ball scores. A new series offers practical tips for using TV, radio and the Internet to stay abreast without sacrificing one more forest.
Re-charge your batteries by re-locating your self. Why spin your wheels in stagnating Philadelphia when you could be thriving elsewhere? This six-part series examines the vibrant charms of Phoenix, Minneapolis, Palm Springs, Marin County, Seattle, Denver and Atlanta, together with practical tips on how to move there— right now!
The “tax breaks for employers” scam. Philadelphia’s big businesses lobby constantly for tax cuts, which they say will provide more jobs for Philadelphians. But who really wants a job? Weren’t you happier when you could sleep late and putter around the house without answering to some grouchy boss? In their triumphant return to the Inquirer, the investigative team of Jim Steele and Don Barlett dismantle the fat cats’ theories with their award-winning blend of apocalyptic rhetoric, frightening allegories, confusing statistics and overwhelming bar graphs.
Philadelphia’s Christian community: A ticking time bomb. From the Crusades, the Inquisition and the Salem witch trials right down to to Northern Ireland and America’s unprovoked invasion of Iraq, Christians have caused most of the world’s irrational violence and misery. Their founder's creed was: "I bring not peace, but a sword." Their favorite hymns are "Onward, Christian Soldiers" and "Soldiers of the Cross." Now, thanks to their fertile birth rates, Christians have become the largest religious cult in Philadelphia. Who are these troublemakers, and what will set them off next? A six-part Inquirer series examines Philadelphia’s explosive Christian community and asks: How can peace-loving Jews, Muslims and atheists defend themselves? Can Christians be integrated into civilized society? What will it cost in terms of counseling and other social services, as opposed to just stamping them out like vermin? The answers may surprise you!
To view responses, click here.
The new Inquirer demonstrates its independence
DAN ROTTENBERG
Now that the Inquirer is owned by Philadelphia’s establishment, how will it convince skeptics of its independence from Philadelphia’s establishment? It’s a sticky challenge, but there’s no reason the Inquirer can’t rise to it. An opening barrage of investigative articles and exposés should silence the cynics once and for all. For example:
Harvest of shame: Philadelphia’s pathetic civic elite. Empty suits, blowhards, underachievers, pompous windbags, incompetent bosses’ sons-in-law, New York rejects— Philadelphia’s business community has them all! A no-holds-barred guide to the region’s most embarrassing leaders.
The suburbs: Who needs them? While millions starve, two-thirds of Greater Philadelphia residents today live in suburbs, guzzling gas and polluting the air in their SUVs, consuming disproportionate amounts of land, water and electricity, and gobbling up acres of farmland to make room for McMansions, barbecue pits, four-car garages, strip malls and tacky fast-food franchises at every intersection. A six-part Inquirer series examines the problems caused by these smug parasites and suggests practical ways to eliminate them.
How Jews, blacks and Catholics are ruining Philadelphia. Under WASP leadership for nearly 300 years, Philadelphia grew from a colonial settlement to “the workshop of the world,” with more than 2 million inhabitants. But since 1963, under Catholic, black and Jewish leadership, the city has lost one-third of its population, 87% of its patricians and 100% of its drive-in movie theaters. A thought-provoking series asks: How can we entice Episcopalians to return to Philadelphia while encouraging Jews, blacks and Catholics to move elsewhere?
Inpoverty. In this colorful new section, the Inquirer spotlights who’s who and what’s what in the region’s underclass. Every day you’ll meet the best and brightest of Philadelphia’s drifters, mendicants, hustlers, pimps, prostitutes and crack addicts. Special features: a poverty gossip column by Michael Klein; Craig LaBan and Rick Nichols rate the region's best soup kitchens; plus a real estate guide to the area's hottest abandoned properties. You won't want to miss a single isssue! (Note: Inpoverty will replace the Inquirer’s sports section, which the editors have concluded lacks any intrinsic social value.) (Special note to advertisers: Inpoverty offers your best bet for reaching Greater Philadelphia's affluent poverty market!)
Paul Levy, Jane Pepper, Marciene Mattleman and Sister Mary Scullion are no damn good. Cleaning sidewalks, planting gardens, advocating for youth and the homeless—could anyone really be so selfless and civic-minded? In a four-part series, the Inquirer delves beneath the surface of these media darlings in search of their real agenda. Could it be world domination? Have Philadelphians forgotten the Pied Piper of Hamelin?
Newspapers: Who needs them? They waste valuable trees, leave ink smudges on your hands and blow all over the streets— and they don’t even give you last night’s West Coast ball scores. A new series offers practical tips for using TV, radio and the Internet to stay abreast without sacrificing one more forest.
Re-charge your batteries by re-locating your self. Why spin your wheels in stagnating Philadelphia when you could be thriving elsewhere? This six-part series examines the vibrant charms of Phoenix, Minneapolis, Palm Springs, Marin County, Seattle, Denver and Atlanta, together with practical tips on how to move there— right now!
The “tax breaks for employers” scam. Philadelphia’s big businesses lobby constantly for tax cuts, which they say will provide more jobs for Philadelphians. But who really wants a job? Weren’t you happier when you could sleep late and putter around the house without answering to some grouchy boss? In their triumphant return to the Inquirer, the investigative team of Jim Steele and Don Barlett dismantle the fat cats’ theories with their award-winning blend of apocalyptic rhetoric, frightening allegories, confusing statistics and overwhelming bar graphs.
Philadelphia’s Christian community: A ticking time bomb. From the Crusades, the Inquisition and the Salem witch trials right down to to Northern Ireland and America’s unprovoked invasion of Iraq, Christians have caused most of the world’s irrational violence and misery. Their founder's creed was: "I bring not peace, but a sword." Their favorite hymns are "Onward, Christian Soldiers" and "Soldiers of the Cross." Now, thanks to their fertile birth rates, Christians have become the largest religious cult in Philadelphia. Who are these troublemakers, and what will set them off next? A six-part Inquirer series examines Philadelphia’s explosive Christian community and asks: How can peace-loving Jews, Muslims and atheists defend themselves? Can Christians be integrated into civilized society? What will it cost in terms of counseling and other social services, as opposed to just stamping them out like vermin? The answers may surprise you!
To view responses, click here.
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