The misbegotten right to be forgotten

2 minute read
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Google has begun removing certain links from its search results under a European court ruling establishing the so-called "Right to be Forgotten," which requires search engines to remove links that are shown to be outdated and irrelevant. A very serious matter — and one that gives me a really great idea!

"Hello, is this Google?"

"Yes, sir. How may I help you?"

"Wow, I can't believe I got through! I'm a big fan! You may not believe it, but I use Google almost every day!"

"That's gratifying, sir."

"I want you to know I would never use Bing! I never even liked Bing Crosby! You're probably too young to know the name."

"I know it, sir. Now what can I do for you?"

"I was reading about the Right to be Forgotten law. There are some posts on my blog I'd like to be forgotten. Very forgotten."

"Well, you have to have a reason under the law, sir, to have search information removed."

"Oh, I do! I do! I have a very good reason."

"Could you tell me your reason?"

"Sure. I'm a humor writer, and I want Google to stop searching for my blog posts that aren’t funny."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't want Google to lead anyone to my posts that suck! I have enough trouble getting readers as it is."

"Sir, you can't just ask us to remove links without justification. The links must be outdated and irrelevant."

"You want outdated? I've got jokes about Tammy Faye Bakker!"

"OMG! What about irrelevant?"

"Irrelevant? What would you call a post that has Mitt Romney singing ‘Whatever It Is, I'm Against It’ or the Lone Ranger hiring a Jewish sidekick named Hyman Silvers?"

"About as irrelevant as humility is to Ben Affleck! And I agree, sir, every damn bit as unfunny as you indicated!"

"So where do I file my Right to be Forgotten petition?"

"You don't. That only applies in Europe, not the U.S."


"But, sir, why don't you just delete the unfunny posts?"

"’Fraid I can't do that."


"If I only leave the good stuff, my blog will be shorter than Parade magazine!"

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