Philly Fringe 2026: Theatre Contra presents The Whole F*cking Twilight Saga…in 60 Minutes

I tend to be critical of art based on popular IP—it’s easy to cash in on a rendition of an existing cultural phenomenon (see Mean Girls the movie, the musical, the movie). Was this show purely for the nostalgia, or would it add to the cultural conversation around the books?

Five films, one hour

As the show was about to begin on September 25, there was a feeling of playful urgency. Onstage front and center, co-directors and co-writers Liz Crino and Bryant Edwards welcomed the audience and asked for a volunteer to set a 60-second timer. At the sound of “Go!” Crino and Edwards rushed through the audience guidelines for the production: non-flash photography and video recording are welcome, the cast will utilize the ramp and aisles around you during the production, and proceeds of the raffle will be donated to the American Red Cross…if the cast can perform the script of five (“should be four,” emphasized Edwards) Twilight Saga movies in under an hour.

When the lights dimmed, a 60-minute timer on stage began its countdown. “TWILIGHT!” the eight-person cast yelled. Silly commentary then proceeded, setting the scene for Bella (Tay Sconiers) at the start of the first film. The narration carried a frisky tone (“looks like he had to take a big shit” in regard to Edward’s first encounter with Bella) as cast members tossed the role of the narrator among them. Many of them played more than one role.

The production was filled with gags, from Edward’s slow-motion glide to Bella’s frenetic gestures to Carlisle’s emotionally obtuse comments toward his daughter to a Super Mario Bros. sound effect when transitioning to New Moon’s Italy scenes. The cast read from the script, with some lines pre-rehearsed, others not. They occasionally forgot their stage direction, and even laughed alongside the audience, but shrugged off these out-of-character moments playfully. Performing five movies in an hour is ungodly and unrealistic; there is no way to take this seriously.

Subverting the Meyer doctrine

Twilight author Stephenie Meyer says her Mormon faith influenced her work. The series takes on the Christian theme of moral temptation, illustrated through Edward’s strong blood cravings as a vampire, especially for Bella, whose blood entices him, and his tremendous self-restraint. This parallels Bella’s relationship with sex; despite her pleadings, the couple don’t have sex until they are married, peddling home the value of abstinence that even Edward himself reinforces.

Theatre Contra’s exaggerated take on Twilight challenges the seriousness of the series. The addition of a gender-bent and multiracial cast also subverts Meyer’s artistic choices, some of which poorly depict the Quileute Tribe, a federally recognized Indigenous nation located on the Pacific coast of Washington state.

By the end of the performance I saw, the cast didn’t beat the clock. But they needed only an additional three and a half minutes, which was just enough for me. Although the company still agreed to donate the proceeds of its raffle, would it be more fitting for cast members to donate their blood instead? In all seriousness, I recommend this show and look forward to future Theatre Contra productions.