Worthless weather forecasts

Is he my football coach? No. He’s the TV weatherman. And TV weather forecasts (and forecasters) are getting more ridiculous by the day.

The weathermen and women — I’m sorry, meteorologists — draw so many patterns and waves and letters, I’m not sure if it’s going to rain or I should punt. And it doesn’t really matter what he or she says at this point anyway. Weather predictors all over town have been wrong more than they’ve been right lately. Remember the “dusting” we received a few Sundays ago? The one that had the Eagles playing in SnowBowl 2013?

I think it bothers me because they claim to be more accurate than at any other time in history. All have triple dipple scoopy doopy Doppler thingies that scan, one, two, three at a time, and yet they’re wrong. They have computer models from America, Europe, all around the world, and yet they’re wrong. They want me to trust them to predict something that can change at the drop of a hat, but they know the forecast a full seven days in advance…then they’re wrong.

Oh, I know. It’s tricky. Things change quickly. Science! Then maybe don’t over-promise and under-deliver? Don’t promote yourselves as the “most accurate” anything, because a lot of the time, you aren’t.

It has been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. So I gave up TV weather watching, even before that slippery Sunday when they all got it wrong…again.

I know you’re wondering — if I don’t get the weather for my region at the beginning of my work week from TV, then how on Earth do I know if I can drive, if I should call the airport to check my flight, if I should wear just the hat or the hat and the gloves?

My method is extremely scientific: I stick my head out the front door each morning. There, I decide which jacket to wear. I always carry umbrellas in my car and in my bag. If it looks like snow and is traditionally a month during which that can happen (think October through April), I put my boots in the car.

It’s a shame I don’t earn six figures for my “forecasts.” I’m usually right.

There's a big snow in the forecast tonight. I almost hope they're wrong again. I can't decide what's worse — the actual forecasts or the nonstop coverage of people buying eggs, milk, and shovels. Don’t even get me started on that.