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Who you calling tasteless? Or: If Paula Deen got away with it, why can't I?
The Chosen People's answer to Paula Deen
Perry Block
And now, it's time for ….
"The Politically Correct Over-age Jewish Guy's Kitchen."
Starring your host and master chef, over-age Jewish guy Perry Block! And here he is, all 62 Semitic years old of him.....
Che-e-e-e-f Perry!
.... and thank you, Alan Kalter! Welcome to "The Politically Correct Over-age Jewish Guy's Kitchen," the cooking show that shows you respect. I'm your politically correct host and chef, Perry Block.
Today we're going to cook up something much loved by the Chosen People and especially beloved by those of us so long in the tooth we've experienced more sunrise/sunsets than a touring company of Fiddler on the Roof.
Today we're making matzo balls!
As we all know, there's a major schism in Judaism over the relative merits of sinkers vs. floaters. No issue— short of whether it's acceptable to hate comedian Bob Saget— divides the Jewish people more sharply.
Today we'll focus on the sinker, that leaden object of gustatory desire preferred by members of the rapidly dwindling generation of geriatric Jews, like your Aunt Tessie with the undulating under-arm flab and colorful Yiddish expressions for anyone hailing from a non-Jewish ethnic group. Next week we'll address the floater, more generally favored by Cousin Marvin, the successful accountant and synagogue treasurer at the synagogue whom everybody used to call "Space Cowboy" back in the 40-year-ago day when he looked like a Jewish Frank Zappa.
Big balls
Before us we have all the ingredients we need: two large eggs, vegetable oil, one-half cup of matzo meal and chicken broth. Nothing expensive here, which is just the way we members of the Tribe like it!
First I beat the eggs together, add the matzo meal and oil, and blend carefully. I haven't seen such a blend since my Bar Mitzvah suit in 1963! I am also simultaneously boiling a potful of water. By the way, I once dated a Jewish girl who was such a bad cook she couldn't boil water. But she did know how to make reservations at all the best places that could!
Next I carefully form the mixture into big balls, something few Jewish guys know much about, then drop them into a pot of boiling water and get 'em cookin' for about half an hour, also something few Jewish guys know much about. Now we chill them in a refrigerator and out they come ready for the soup!
Screwing light bulbs
Except our refrigerator broke down earlier today and we have only Jews on the set, so no way can we show you any matzo balls ready for the soup. By the way, how many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? None of us has ever done it!
Well, that's all the time we have today. Thanks for watching "The Politically Correct Over-age Jewish Guy's Kitchen," the cooking show that shows you respect.
We just don't show it all that much to ourselves.
Be sure to tune in next week when special guest Paula Deen joins us, and we teach her all the offensive things she should never say about the Jews, especially those of us older than the Old Testament itself!
Oy, my aching back!
"The Politically Correct Over-age Jewish Guy's Kitchen."
Starring your host and master chef, over-age Jewish guy Perry Block! And here he is, all 62 Semitic years old of him.....
Che-e-e-e-f Perry!
.... and thank you, Alan Kalter! Welcome to "The Politically Correct Over-age Jewish Guy's Kitchen," the cooking show that shows you respect. I'm your politically correct host and chef, Perry Block.
Today we're going to cook up something much loved by the Chosen People and especially beloved by those of us so long in the tooth we've experienced more sunrise/sunsets than a touring company of Fiddler on the Roof.
Today we're making matzo balls!
As we all know, there's a major schism in Judaism over the relative merits of sinkers vs. floaters. No issue— short of whether it's acceptable to hate comedian Bob Saget— divides the Jewish people more sharply.
Today we'll focus on the sinker, that leaden object of gustatory desire preferred by members of the rapidly dwindling generation of geriatric Jews, like your Aunt Tessie with the undulating under-arm flab and colorful Yiddish expressions for anyone hailing from a non-Jewish ethnic group. Next week we'll address the floater, more generally favored by Cousin Marvin, the successful accountant and synagogue treasurer at the synagogue whom everybody used to call "Space Cowboy" back in the 40-year-ago day when he looked like a Jewish Frank Zappa.
Big balls
Before us we have all the ingredients we need: two large eggs, vegetable oil, one-half cup of matzo meal and chicken broth. Nothing expensive here, which is just the way we members of the Tribe like it!
First I beat the eggs together, add the matzo meal and oil, and blend carefully. I haven't seen such a blend since my Bar Mitzvah suit in 1963! I am also simultaneously boiling a potful of water. By the way, I once dated a Jewish girl who was such a bad cook she couldn't boil water. But she did know how to make reservations at all the best places that could!
Next I carefully form the mixture into big balls, something few Jewish guys know much about, then drop them into a pot of boiling water and get 'em cookin' for about half an hour, also something few Jewish guys know much about. Now we chill them in a refrigerator and out they come ready for the soup!
Screwing light bulbs
Except our refrigerator broke down earlier today and we have only Jews on the set, so no way can we show you any matzo balls ready for the soup. By the way, how many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? None of us has ever done it!
Well, that's all the time we have today. Thanks for watching "The Politically Correct Over-age Jewish Guy's Kitchen," the cooking show that shows you respect.
We just don't show it all that much to ourselves.
Be sure to tune in next week when special guest Paula Deen joins us, and we teach her all the offensive things she should never say about the Jews, especially those of us older than the Old Testament itself!
Oy, my aching back!
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