Holiday kerfuffles

It’s not too early for Christmas

3 minute read
Happy holidays! (“Sneaky Turkey” via
Happy holidays! (“Sneaky Turkey” via

Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful for the things that make life worth living. This year, for me, that includes the fact that people I know aren’t complaining about Thanksgiving getting squelched by Christmas.

“Don’t you know what month it is?" these grinches ask. “One holiday at a time!” Maybe they’re not complaining because they’re out buying Christmas presents at discounted prices. It’s hard to argue with a sale.

Why do people get their feathers ruffled so badly about this? Turkey is dry and ugly. Rudolph is adorbs, as the kids say. I don’t know if he’s tasty — I would never eat reindeer meat. Besides, it feels like the holidays just arrived at most stores on November 1. Considering past years, that seems late. And, dear complainers, I’m not celebrating Christmas on Thanksgiving, even though I am already getting ready for Santa’s big day.

Do I really have to eat Thanksgiving dinner before roasting chestnuts on an open fire if I choose? I’m already singing Christmas carols. What’s that — we can’t be friends anymore? Come on. They’re just songs (and they’re catchy).

Fundamental rights

See, it’s all about individual choice. I think that’s in the Constitution somewhere. I have the right to buy a fake flocked tree on sale at Target three weeks before National Gluttony Day. And you have the right not to. You can even skip the Christmas/holiday aisles at most retail outlets (except Starbucks: it looks like Santa threw up all over the walls there).

Let’s just resign ourselves (and by ourselves I mean you complainers) that November means December in the retail world. As long as money makes the world go round, that’s going to be true. Retailers want it, and enough people are willing to shop early. Many will eat turkey and then run to stand outside in the cold for a discounted 55-inch TV. Open retailers and bargain-savvy (i.e., cheap) consumers want to be together — isn’t that what the holidays are all about?

Apparently, not as many stores will be open Thanksgiving evening, and I’m disappointed. I wouldn’t shop on Thanksgiving, but not because I’m opposed to it. I am, however, opposed to standing out in the cold for a long time without a really good reason. Doorbuster scarves, coin-counting contraptions, and the chance to get trampled attempting to claim one of three iPads available for the 200 teeth-chatterers outside doesn’t qualify.

No milkshake?

I’m sad because more stores closed means the Chick-fil-A won’t open as it has the past few years. (Yes, the chain that closes every Sunday for family time opened on the past several Thanksgiving evenings, since it’s also a business that likes money). Now, I’ll actually have to wait until lunch on Friday to get my Peppermint Chocolate Chip Milkshake (have you had one? My word, that’s a tasty beverage). My getting all pumped with sugar at midnight after a day of stuffing myself with stuffing was becoming my new Thanksgiving tradition. And now that’s ruined. Complainers, I hope you’re happy.

I’ll have to come up with a new new tradition. I think I’ll go to bed early and sleep in on Friday, since I actually have that day off this year. That’s fun.

Of course, I’ll be able to rest easy — all of my Christmas shopping is done.

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