Counting down to Netanyahu

You remember — for months beforehand, whenever Bush Senior was criticized for his administration’s inactivity, his aides replied, “Just wait until you hear his State of the Union address!” In that address, you surely recall, Bush unveiled his plan to reduce the capital gains tax. “And those who would stop us," Bush defiantly challenged his enemies, to raucous applause, "had better step aside!"

The rest is history. That speech changed my life, as I’m sure it changed yours.

Now Congressional Republicans have invited Israel’s prime minister to share his insights into Iran’s nuclear ambitions. Netanyahu could have saved a lot of expense and effort by emailing his insights to everyone in Congress. But as every true believer and Ayn Rand devotee understands, the name of the game is to create a forum where the whole world will be compelled to listen to you — and, since your truth is incontrovertible, everyone will be forced to accept your view once they’ve been exposed to it.

Emerson said it

President Obama and his team, not to mention dozens of Israeli analysts, have taken a more nuanced view of Iranian motives (although, to be sure, it’s hard to take a less nuanced view than Netanyahu’s). They suggest, among other things, that many if not most Iranians are fed up with religious fanatics and that Iran has other fish to fry aside from fomenting Middle East upheaval (like, for instance, building nuclear power plants as a hedge against energy dependence on Russia). But the White House essentially buys into Netanyahu’s belief that his speech will be a game changer. Consequently, Obama’s team has been issuing dire forebodings for weeks, in the hope that by the time Netanyahu finally opens his mouth, he will bend over backward to avoid sounding too bellicose in his denunciations of anyone who’d rather talk to Iranians than nuke them.

In Obama’s place, I would have said: “It’s a free country, and anyone has the right to say anything or listen to anyone he or she pleases, no matter how foolish. And every politician — like every actor and every journalist — loves an audience. But as Emerson (not to mention most psychiatrists) has observed, our opinion of others is a reflection on ourselves. So free speech often serves us by providing insight into the speaker rather than his subject. In this spirit I welcome the opportunity to let the prime minister demonstrate Abraham Maslow’s truism: ‘If your only tool is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.’”

MacArthur fades away

To be sure, Iran may get a bomb some day. But Israel already has one. So do India, Pakistan, and North Korea. As Tom Lehrer put it in his 1965 song, “Who’s Next?”

Luxembourg is next to go,
And — who knows? Maybe Monaco.
We’ll try to stay serene and calm
When Alabama gets the bomb.

But the great compensation about nuclear weapons is: They’re only useful if you don’t use them!

Meanwhile, the clock is ticking — not on Iran’s nuclear capability, but on Netanyahu’s speech. I haven’t seen such suspense since the countdown on CBS last fall that ticked off the days, hours, and minutes to the first Thursday Night Football game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the…uh, well, it was a really important game, let me tell you.

You’re probably too young, but I still remember how a Republican Congress thumbed its nose at the White House by inviting General Douglas MacArthur to address both houses after President Harry Truman fired that great American war hero in 1951. You know — that was MacArthur’s eloquent farewell, in which he declared, “Old soldiers never die; they just fade away.” Those stirring words prompted two Senate committees to launch a joint inquiry of MacArthur’s dismissal. After months of testimony, the investigators concluded….that Truman was justified. And MacArthur just faded away.

Of course, Netanyahu’s speech to Congress is an entirely different matter. That’s why I’m so nervous. And if you read this in the Broad Street Review after March 3, you will surely agree. Assuming there is a Broad Street Review after March 3.

Me, I’m heading for my bomb shelter. Come to think of it, why are you reading this column when you could be productively cowering in a storm cellar?