Campaign slogans for Trump

The ultimate intellectual exercise

Donald Trump’s advisers have their work cut out for them. How, you ask, can someone with so many negatives persuade a majority of Americans to vote for him, especially when their votes will no longer be divided among 16 other candidates?

Seize the time!

Ah, but that’s the difference between you and Trump — and Broad Street Review. Faithful BSR readers will recall that we’ve traveled this road before, finding positive things to say about despised political office-seekers. 

In 2009, after Pennsylvania’s U.S. Senator Arlen Specter switched political parties in a desperate attempt to win re-election, we resuscitated his moribund U.S. Senate candidacy by offering “Campaign slogans for Arlen Specter,” thanks to which in 2010 Specter came within a whisker of defeating an unheralded Democratic candidate who promptly lost the general election to a Republican who had served in Congress for all of six years.

Help for Hillary

Then, last year, when Hillary Clinton was bombarded with charges that she lacked political principles, we helpfully offered “Campaign slogans for Hillary Clinton.” More than a year later, she is barely hanging on to a Democratic presidential nomination that was presumed to be hers.

Granted, the intellectual challenge of promoting Donald Trump — a bullying, philandering, dissembling, egomaniacal, juvenile ignoramus with no government experience whatever —  is greater by several magnitudes. Nevertheless, in the same helpful spirit, you will find below my contribution to the Trump campaign: an array of rhetorical salvos for use as slogans, sound bites, and bumper stickers to silence his rivals, or at least change the subject, when they question his fitness for public office.

Come to think of it, some of the slogans I’ve proposed here for Donald are identical to the slogans I previously proposed for Arlen and Hillary. If you really put your mind to it, the possibilities are endless:

Better than Harding?

“Trump: A con man for all seasons.”

“Trump: Grab for the gusto!”

“Trump: Say yes to fear.”

“Trump: Give ignorance a chance.”

“Trump: Let him entertain you.”

“Trump: Because you only live once!”

“Trump: He says what you think.”

“Trump: More business experience than Warren Harding, Herbert Hoover, or either of the Bushes!”

“Trump: Make Atlantic City great again.”

“Trump: Make white men great again.”

“Trump: Put women in their place.”

“Trump: Put Mexicans in their place.”

“Trump: Put Muslims in their place.”

“Trump: If Minnesotans could elect Jesse 'The Body' Ventura….”

“Trump: All politicians are charlatans — why not choose the best?”

“Trump: Say yes to immaturity.”

“Trump: Younger than Bernie Sanders!”

Purer than JFK?

“Trump: If Californians could elect Arnold Schwarzenegger….”

“Trump: Firm on the outside, malleable on the inside.”

“Trump: It’s too late to make something of your life, so live vicariously through him!”

“Trump: Admit it, you wish you had his balls.”

“Trump: He saved America from Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio.”

“Trump: Say yes to anger.”

“Trump: Give the Washington elite the (short, stubby) finger.”

“Trump: Because you can’t get him out of your mind.”

“Trump: Say yes to fornication.”

“Trump: Compared to JFK and LBJ, he’s almost chaste!”

“Trump: Give bombast a chance.”

“Trump: Make bankruptcy respectable again!”

“Trump: Say yes to narcissism.”

“Trump: It’s not about about you, it’s about him.”

“Trump: Because government is really very simple.”

Penn connection

“Trump: Nothing in moderation.”

“Trump: He looks out for Number One!”

“Trump: Because there’s no business like show business!”

“Trump: He proved you can fool all of the people all of the time.”

“Trump: Put a Penn man in the White House — the first since William Henry Harrison!”

“Trump: You can’t beat him, so why not join him?”

“Trump: Seize the time! Do something with your pathetic life!”

“Trump: Give him eight years, and he’ll never bother you again!”

“Trump: He might even die before eight years!”

“Trump: Relax and enjoy the apocalypse!”

“Trump: There’s nobody like him!”

“Trump: Don’t think, just do it!”

“Trump: He passes this way but once.”

Our readers respond

Joseph Glantz

of Levittown, PA on May 19, 2016

Just the right tone to take with DT. There's no point trying to have a serious conversation. No point to defending his nonsense or counterattacking. Just continue showing that he's nothing more than the class clown. Hire Dan, hire Mel Brooks, watch Charlie Chaplin's Modern Times....

Sign Up For Our Newsletter

Want previews of our latest stories about arts and culture in Philadelphia? Sign up for our newsletter.